Knox's Story: Part 2

I previously wrote a post about Knox's birth story. If you missed it, click here to read it. As you know, it did not go as well as I had hoped. I had a bad experience, and mine may or may not have been an isolated event for the particular hospital/doctor. I've always been pretty open with people when they ask about my birth story, giving as many details as one would like, discussing the disappointing parts, but ultimately highlighting the fact that I got through it and Knox was safe, healthy, and happy. Until now, I haven't shared the second part of our journey with many people. Unfortunately, my bad experience with doctors did not stop at the birth of our first son.

When Knox was almost a month old, we packed up our belongings and moved to Osceola. We had accepted jobs here while I was still pregnant, and started looking for a house to live in. We actually missed the closing on our house because I was giving birth. Luckily for us, our realtors and bankers were very understanding and let us sign the paperwork in at the bank in Milan, getting it notarized. Small-town living at its finest.

Upon arrival in Osceola, I started thinking of all the things that never occurred to me before, including the question: Where do I even start looking for a pediatrician? We knew we weren't going to be in Milan very long after Knox was born, so we were okay with him having the on-call doctor when he was born. Thankfully, we were assigned an awesome pediatrician who we loved. The down side? He wouldn't be Knox's pediatrician for long.

I wanted someone who would be open to holding off on vaccines as long as we needed. We didn't know if that would be 1 year, 5 years, or forever! All we knew was that we didn't want to give him any for at least the first year of his life. I started looking for pediatricians in the area, and reading reviews on each. I wanted a D.O. as I know they are more open to holistic medicine. There were only a few in the area.

I picked up the phone and called one who had awesome reviews online. The receptionist answered, and I asked if this doctor was accepting new patients. She said yes. My next question was, "Is he open to waiting on vaccinations? My son has not been vaccinated and I am not interested in getting any for a while." She assured me that he was open to this mindset. I made the appointment.

I hung up the phone, feeling proud of myself for finding someone so easily who would see my unvaccinated child. And everyone told me I couldn't do it. 

It was a Wednesday. I took off a day of work to go to the appointment. My mother-in-law came with me to help with Knox if I needed it. We got to the waiting room. We waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, Knox's name was called. I got to the room and stripped him down to his diaper. The nurse measured him and weighed him. She said to leave him in his diaper and the doctor would be in soon.

We waited. And waited. And waited.

Finally, the doctor came in. He shook my hand, introduced himself. He had Knox's chart in his hand. He sat in a rolling chair. I was standing by the table, where Knox was laying, still in his diaper.

He started talking, and I thought it was odd that he wouldn't get near my little 4-month-old. I mean, not even close enough to touch him. He stayed back at least 5 feet. I assumed he just wanted a history, no big deal.

The more he talked, the more I realized something was up. He started talking about vaccinations. Now I knew what was going on. He pulled some pamphlets out of Knox's file on vaccines and gave them to me. He kept repeating himself, saying things like, "pediatricians are held to a higher standard." And, "I'm in charge of the well-being of a child from birth to 18 years." And, "I believe vaccinations are an important part of a child's health."

This went on for a while. I'm not sure how long, as I got really flustered. I'd say it was probably 15 minutes. The whole time, Knox laid on the table in just a diaper. After he started repeating himself for the third time, my mother-in-law stepped in and said, "So if I understand you correctly, you aren't going to see Knox today?" He responded by saying, "I just don't feel comfortable starting a relationship with a patient if I can't continue care for him."

He then started repeating himself AGAIN. My mother-in-law said, "We understand what you're saying. We are educated people and don't need you to repeat it again." Then she started dressing Knox.

The only thing I could mutter was, "When I called to set up an appointment, I specifically asked if you would be open to seeing an unvaccinated patient. The receptionist told me you were."

His response? "We tell them to say that so we can get you in here and give you information on vaccines." I told him that I wish I would have known that before taking off a day of work and driving over an hour to get to the appointment. But that's okay, because he told me he wouldn't charge for the visit.

WHAAAAT?!?

SO. Nice of him.

We packed up and walked out, leaving his precious hand-outs on the exam table.

Here were my afterthoughts, and what I really wish I could have thought of in the moment to say to him:

~If you care so much about the well-being of all children, why won't you even get near my kid? You have a child laying on your exam table, right in front of you, and you won't check him out?

~You believe it is unethical to start a relationship with a patient who you know you can't continue that relationship with, but it is ethical to intentionally lie to people to get them into your office so you can force your beliefs on them?

~You think vaccinated children are the healthiest, but I hear a kid in the next room coughing and hacking (who I can only assume is vaccinated since you are seeing them), and my child has never been sick. (Which, by the way, even now at 2 years old, I can count on one hand the number of times Knox has been sick).

~Finally, no, this visit was not 'free of charge' for me. I lost a day's wage to take a day off work to get to the appointment, and then spent gas money to drive over 2 hours round-trip. But thanks for not charging me for what you called a 'visit.'

I honestly wish I knew who I could report the doctor to. I'm sure there is someone to report to when a doctor is being unethical. He admitted to me that they blatantly lie to their patients.

So this was the second healthcare letdown I had in Knox's life. I just want to reiterate that I am not against doctors and hospitals. I know that many many people have great experiences, but I also know that my story isn't the only one like it out there. I'm very thankful for medicine and doctors, because there are emergencies that require serious care. What I learned from these experiences is that I know my child better than any doctor. I don't need someone to look at my child from 5 feet away and tell me if he is healthy or not. I am glad to have hospitals and doctors if Knox were to ever get ill and I don't know how to handle it. But for now, we will keep using essential oils, homeopathics, and feeding him a healthy diet as a preventative.

How I Chose a Midwife

As you know, I did not have the most pleasant experience giving birth to Knox.  I've mentioned that I am using what I learned to help me this time around. 

I decided, long before getting pregnant for the second time, that I wanted my next birth to be different. Honestly, I probably decided this shortly after having Knox. Although I wanted it to be different, I didn't really know what that meant. I knew I wanted to try a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), but looking back, I pictured that happening in a hospital with a doctor who was willing to give it a try.

You should know (if you read my previous post) that I had trouble breastfeeding with Knox. We packed up and moved to Osceola when Knox was barely 1 month old. We were away from all the medical professionals in Kirksville who knew who we were. We had no pediatrician yet, and I was out of people to look to for help with breastfeeding.

While pregnant, I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (great resource for anyone wanting to have a natural childbirth!) and Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding (by the way, Ina May is a Midwife), and I remembered how much she talked about helping new moms with breastfeeding. I began looking for midwives in the area as a last resort for someone to help. I found a list and furiously typed out a desperate-sounding email to the first lady on the list. She replied with the name and email address of a doula in my area who could possibly help.

That doula came to my house personally and helped with Knox's latch. I felt a lot more confident after she left, but she continued to email me to check on me a couple times a week at first. I am very thankful for her, as she answered a lot of questions over the following months. One of the questions being, "who do I see for a pediatrician if I don't want to give vaccinations?" She suggested I see a midwife (different from the first one I emailed), and gave me the contact information for one she knew of who did well-child checkups.

I set up an appointment with Brenda Abercrombie, and she saw Knox right away. Our first appointment with her was 2 hours long. Usually when you tell someone you were at the doctor for 2 hours, it's because of waiting (because you may see the doctor for 10-15 minutes of that 2 hours). With the midwife, the 2 hours was face-to-face contact with Brenda. Before even seeing Knox, she wanted to know how my pregnancy was, the birth story, why I chose no vaccinations, anything about him up until that point in his life. She was very thorough and actually listened intently, rather than rushing from one patient to the next. She drew blood to check my thyroid. She wanted to watch Knox breastfeed to check his latch.

I told her about my experience with the pediatrician in Springfield. She wasn't surprised. She told me that a few years ago, all the doctors in Springfield got together and agreed to not take on any patients who were unvaccinated. Interesting.

I knew after that visit that I wanted to use Brenda as my midwife for my next birth. I probably would  be able to find someone to 'try' a VBAC, but in the end, I knew I would get little support from that doctor. I just knew that if I went that route, I would end up with another c-section.

During Knox's next check-up with Brenda, we talked about using a midwife for a VBAC. I was nowhere near ready to think about having another baby, as Knox was just a few months old, but I wanted to have a plan for when it did happen again. After that visit, I had my mind made up...a midwife it would be for my next birth.

Here are some reasons I chose a midwife, and why no one should be worried about me using a midwife:

1. Common beliefs. With an ob/gyn, I felt like I was always going against the advice given. I was constantly written prescriptions that I never filled. I listened politely to recommendations to treat symptoms, only to go home to look up more natural solutions. With a midwife, I can tell her my honest opinion and I know she actually cares about what I have to say. We both agree that a drug-free, natural childbirth is best for the baby. Ultimately, that is the goal for both of us. 

2. Quality of care. I thought it was interesting to see this post from parents magazine on Facebook: 

Every appointment I've had, I feel like I am the main focus. There is rarely any other patient waiting. I remember being disappointed because I wanted to talk to the doctor when I called the office with a question, or when I was in labor and a million things were running through my head. With the midwife, I call or text her directly with any questions I have. And I know she will be there when I need her during labor as well. 

3. Knowledge. I'm amazed every time I go to a check-up with the knowledge my midwife has. 

4. A positive approach. I remember my first appointment with the ob/gyn. They went over a long list of things to stay away from...diet soda, undercooked meat, raw eggs, lunch meats, etc. I never got that lecture from my midwife. Instead, she gives me things TO eat! For example, she talked about the importance of protein, something I never once heard from my ob/gyn. With Knox, I was pretty much told any prenatal vitamin is good. Now I know that a natural (vs. synthetic) prenatal supplement is best, as your body is more able to absorb it. It's nice to know how to eat to best benefit my growing baby. 

5. And finally, because it's fun to see the looks I get when I tell people I'm using a midwife. No, I'm not having a home birth. I will be having the baby in a birthing clinic, just blocks away from a hospital in Springfield. This is the best solution since I did have a c-section with Knox. I feel confident with my midwife because she was a nurse practitioner first. She isn't afraid to write a prescription if I truly need it, but I know she won't jump to that first. 

I'm so excited to give birth! I know there is a chance that things won't go as I hope, but I do know that I'm trying everything possible to have a healthy birth!