So, before having kids, I'm sure I said some pretty awkward things to new moms. I didn't know that certain things are sensitive, especially those first couple months when your emotions are still going crazy. Even now, I catch myself saying things that I know I shouldn't. I think it's because I'm usually not the most graceful conversation-maker. As an introvert, I have a lot of anxiety being alone in a room with someone who is not a good friend of mine. I don't know what to say, and I usually sit silent until the other person starts a conversation...or I say something completely awkward. Anyway, back to the baby thing....
My point is, even though I know I've said some not-so-great things to new moms, there are certain things that I would never say. SO for those of you who don't know what it's like to have a baby and are afraid to say something insulting, or for those of you who say whatever you want without thinking about how it may affect someone, here are a couple of things you should never say to a mom....
1. If you don't know if the baby is a boy or girl, leave out the pronoun. Rather than saying, "Oh, he's cute!" Just say, "Oh, how cute!" Because, in case you haven't noticed, girls don't HAVE to wear pink. Ladies, do you wear pink with every outfit just to identify yourself as a woman? Men, do you wear blue with every outfit just to identify yourself as a man? Don't be stupid. If my daughter is wearing a blue DRESS, don't call her a boy. Seriously. Just keep walking before I punch you.
2. Don't ask if the baby is a "good" baby. Really? What mother is going to say, "nope. She's a terror at 2 weeks old." Just assume all babies are good. Because if, for some reason, a mom tells you that their baby is not a good baby, chances are that she will feel extreme guilt later for uttering those words out loud.
3. Don't ask me if the baby is sleeping through the night. And especially if the baby is less than a couple months old. Yes, there are those freak babies who pop out and sleep through the night. But, it's completely normal for a baby (and especially breastfed babies) to NOT sleep through the night. Oh, and while I'm at it, don't judge me when I tell you she sleeps great because she sleeps in my bed. Also, don't judge me when I tell you that we had to push a twin bed next to our queen bed to make room for our 3-year-old. Yes, there's four of us sleeping in the same bed. Yes, we have the world's largest bed...and it's awesome.
4. I could go on and on, but let me get to the absolute worst thing you could ever say to a mom (and me personally). Don't tell me my baby is "so little!" A mother's only job is to keep the baby alive and growing. And as a breastfeeding mom, making enough milk is a very emotional topic. When you tell me how little she is, you are telling me I'm not taking care of my child. I know that's not what you mean, but with constant doubts that I'm not making enough milk, that's how I take it. I start second guessing my motherly instincts. Five minutes ago, I was feeling so proud of myself, thinking about how her little thighs are starting to fill out, or how her legs are getting too long for those pants. Now, with you telling me how small my baby is, I'm down on myself again for not being an adequate mother. Also, I don't want to know how my baby compares to your babies. Don't tell me she's so much smaller than your kids were at that age. They are different people, so they will naturally grow and develop at different rates.
I'm hoping everyone will be a little more considerate when talking to new moms. You don't know what they are going through. You may be innocently asking if the baby is good, but you didn't see her cry for 5 hours straight for no apparent reason that morning. You may be legitimately wondering if the baby is sleeping through the night, but you weren't there last night when his mom woke up with him 6 times. And you may love how small and petite my little girl is, but you didn't see me pump 3 times at work to get barely 4 ounces, enough to make one bottle when she needs 3, wondering if I can give my baby girl what we both want so badly.
Thanks for listening to my rant! I hope I'm not the only one offended by these comments :)
