A Baby Story

With Knox's SECOND birthday fast-approaching, it only seems right to reminisce a little. First of all, I can't believe my baby boy is pretty much 2. I remember holding my little baby in my arms and having people tell me to enjoy it because it goes by so fast. Yeah, yeah, I thought to myself. 

(This is Knox when he was one day old)

SO! Here we go! The story of how Knox made his grand entrance into the world. 

I remember going into my check-ups with a list of a million questions. One of the first questions I asked my doctor was how she supported natural births. I wanted a completely drug-free pregnancy and birth. I wouldn't even take Tylenol for a headache during pregnancy.  She assured me that she felt the more natural, the better. I asked if I would have breastfeeding support and she told me there was a lactation consultant at the hospital 24/7. 

Knox was born on a Tuesday. The Friday before, I had gone on my daily walk. I walked to the school to see everyone who was teaching summer school. We stood around and talked for a while. I noticed my back was hurting really bad but figured it was from standing for so long. When Cody and I got back to the house, I talked to my mom. She was very worried that I may be having back labor. Her sister had that and ended up delivering my cousin in her apartment. 

Reluctantly, I called the hospital. They said to come on in...it wouldn't hurt to get checked out. In my head, I refused to become that woman who goes to the hospital 8 times thinking she's in labor. So, I told Cody to go ahead and shower. We took our time getting to the hospital. When we got there, I got hooked up to the monitor and I was having contractions. I wasn't feeling them around front like a normal person would. They weren't very strong, not strong enough to be in full blown labor, so we went home. (Oh, and we got pulled over for no reason on the way home. Cody wasn't speeding...it was late so I think they were checking for drunk drivers) 

Over the next few days, I continued to go on 1-2 walks a day. My back hurt really bad but I just dealt with it. I had my weekly appointment that Wednesday so I was just trying to make it until then. Unfortunately, when I woke up on Tuesday, I couldn't take it anymore. My back hurt so bad that I couldn't get comfortable in any position. I called the doctor's office to see if my ob/gyn could see me a day early. They said she was on-call at the hospital, but I could go over there and she could check me out in her spare time. 

So, yet again, we packed up the car. We checked in at the hospital and got hooked up to the monitor. Again, I was having contractions but I still couldn't feel anything in the front. 

The doctor came to check me. While checking me, I felt like I peed all over myself. She asked when my water broke. I looked at Cody super confused, looked back at the doctor, and said , 'just now?' She said it must have broke before, and that she just released it. I was thinking back to any sign that my water had broke before then and I couldn't think of anything. She kept pressuring me to give her a time, and finally asked what time I had woke up that morning. I told her 9:00. And she said she would write 9:00 down as the approximate time my water broke. 

At the time, I was really confused and excited and didn't think much of it. She told me I was dilated to 4, but that she couldn't feel knox's head at all. Again, strange, because at my appointment the week before, she had felt his head. 

The problem was that I had two water bags. The first had broken, but the second was still intact. She thought I would go into full-blown labor if the other water broke, but she wouldn't do it until she could feel the head.

Sooo she recommended pitocin. She thought the pitocin would enhance the contractions, pushing Knox down into the birthing canal. So, hesitantly, I agreed. There went the birth plan. 

I got hooked up to the pitocin, and prepared for intense contractions, as that's what I heard pitocin did. And so I waited. And waited. Still nothing. 

I walked the halls. I bounced on the ball. I walked some more. I walked for hours. Every 30 minutes they came back to increase the dosage of pitocin. Eventually it was on the full amount. The nurse told me to be prepared for extreme contractions with the full dose of pitocin. At that point I was ready for any sort of contraction. 

I got nothing. Still back pain. 

After being on the full dose of pitocin for about 5 hours (it could have been longer), I was still only dilated to 4. And knox's head was still nowhere to be found. 

We had been at the hospital for 12 hours with no change. The doctor came in and told me she recommended a c-section. She thought we could keep going like this until morning and I *might* be dilated to a 5, but at 9:00 (the time she pressured me to give her) they would have to do a c-section anyway because of risk of infection. 

I was devastated. 

So they prepped me for c-section. They rushed Cody off to get ready. I was all alone and upset. And pregnant. What an awful combination!! 

I got to the OR. Cody was still not there. I remember hearing them tell me to lay down on the other bed. Someone said, 'epidural right?' 

NO! NO EPIDURAL! I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING! DON'T START CUTTING ME!! 

Luckily, I didn't have to say any of those things out loud because someone set them straight. I had to get a spinal. Which freaked me out. 

Cody came into the room. With no camera. I was completely crushed! We would be missing out on once-in-a-lifetime shots! I probably started crying. Our saint, a.k.a. pediatrician, graciously went to our room and got my camera. Thank heavens for that man. 

A few minutes later, we heard a beautiful cry. The doctor said, 'whoa! That's a big baby!' And then lifted him over the curtain. I said, 'he's so cute!!' I just remember thinking a brand-new baby shouldn't be that cute. 

(Knox, showing his muscles within the first few minutes) 

They weighed him and then Cody left with him, leaving me with my doctor, nurses, and anesthesiologist. I was shaking really bad and kept asking if that was normal. I was freezing! The scariest part was hearing the nurses and doctor do periodic instrument checks: '4 scissors' '4 scissors, check'. I mean, it's good they were doing it but it just reminded me that something could possibly be sewn up inside me. 

It felt like it took absolutely forever, but when they wheeled me out, they were still working on Knox. They brought him to me (finally!!) and Cody and I got to have some alone time with him before the rest of the family came in. 

I got sick that night...I guess from the medication. They ended up leaving a bed tray for me just in case...which I later used to throw at Cody. Knox was crying, I couldn't feel my legs, Cody was asleep, and my nurse buzzer had fallen. It was my last resort to wake Cody up and it did the trick! 

I wondered why the doctor said Knox was so big when he only weighed 7lbs 12oz. I later found out that a 15.5 inch head is in fact not a normal size head for a newborn. It just means he's got big brains right?? 

I hated most of my birth experience. I absolutely loved being pregnant. I wasn't scared of a natural childbirth at all. But I feel like the doctor pressured me to give her a time when she accidentally broke my water. I don't feel like I was actually in labor and that I was forced to have an unnecessary c-section. 

After the birth, I still felt like I was unsupported. I had no help with breastfeeding. There was one nurse who had some patience to help Knox with his latch. We sent Knox to the nursery the second night because Cody couldn't sleep. I asked for them to bring him to me every 2 hours to try to nurse. I woke up and 6 hours had gone by. The nurse gave him formula, which I had specifically told them was not an option. I feel like my milk supply suffered from all of this, as well as knox's latch. 

I hated feeling out of control of my own body for so long. I couldn't feel anything from the waist down, which meant I couldn't even get up to take care of Knox at first. I also hated not having immediate skin-to-skin contact. Or even being able to touch Knox for so long. 

The icing on the cake was when I went in for my 2-week appointment with my ob/gyn. I was still having milk supply and latch problems. She asked what percentile Knox was in. I told her (it was low at that point). She said, 'obviously whatever you're doing is not working. You need to give it up.' Those words resonated with me and probably had a psychological effect on me the whole time. If she would have taken a more proactive approach, she could have checked out my thyroid and figured out it was playing a HUGE part in my milk production. 

There are many things I can look back and want to do different. But the fact of the matter is I can't change what's already happened. I can learn from my experience for this pregnancy (another post on that at a later date). And, when it's all said and done, Knox is here with us; and after a rough start, he is a very healthy, very happy almost 2-year-old. 

(I guess everyone was right...they do grow up so fast!)