Gallbladder Cleanse

Apparently after you have kids, your body falls apart....

No one talks about life after pregnancy. Everyone loves telling the details of the 9 months of carrying your child, the pains of childbirth, and the immediate aftermath of the birth, but no one tells you how your body changes 6 months...1 year...2 years after having the kid.

One possibility I've noticed is that your immune system can just randomly start attacking things. My doctor described it to me like this: your immune system goes into a 'hibernation' mode during pregnancy to keep from killing off the fetus. When the baby is born, some women's immune systems go into overkill mode. I imagine mine looked like Al Pacino in Scarface after he says, 'say hello to my little friend,' and then kills everything in sight. 

So about 6 months after having Knox, I discovered my thyroid was pretty much non-functioning. A couple months after that, my liver started failing, but magically healed itself. My body's got skills, people.

Now, almost 2 years after having Knox, I am still feeling the effects. I've not been to a doctor, but webmd and I diagnosed my problems, coming to the conclusion that my gallbladder is not doing so hot. I wanted to just do a blood test, confirm it wasn't working, and have the thing removed, but apparently midwives and health professionals don't like to see organs removed from the body without a fight to keep them there.

So I was told to do a gallbladder cleanse. I decided to document my 3-day journey. Here we go...

First, the cleanse looks like this:

Day 1: eat only apples and pears, drink water and apple juice. Also take several supplements 3 times a day. 

Day 2: same as day 1, but right before bed, chug 4 oz of olive oil mixed with 4 oz of fresh squeezed lemon juice. Immediately lay down and in the morning you should pass any gallstones. 

Day 3: same as day 2, but you can eat something light, like soup, in the evening. 

Here is my account of the cleanse: 

Day 1: 

7:00 - Wake up, dang. My stomach is growling. I'm never hungry in the morning. My body must know I am not allowed to eat a good breakfast and is already fighting back. 

8:15 - Time for breakfast. I eat one apple and a little applesauce. I feel a decent amount of full. I take my supplements. GOODLORDALMIGHTY! What did I just swallow? I attempt to drink enough water to get rid of the aftertaste. No luck. Next time, I'll take them before the apples in hopes the apples will push them down.

9:00 - the taste is still lingering. I chew a piece of gum. I question whether this is cheating or not. At this point I don't care. 

10:00 - I'm wishing I waited until I was not teaching to do this. I can eat as many apples as I want, but can't eat while I teach. I feel like I would be happier if I were at home constantly munching on apples. 

10:45 - I feel bad for my students. Picture your teacher turning green saying, 'you won't like me when I'm hungry!' 

11:00 - finally! Lunch time! NOOOO!!! It's taco salad day! I reluctantly eat 1.5 apples. 

12:45 - I pass Cody in the hall. Almost ask him what he wants for dinner. Remember that the most interesting reply would have been, 'apples dipped in applesauce,' and bite my tongue. 

1:12 - I realize Pinterest will be off-limits for the next few days. It may as well be one big picture of tasty desserts and delicious foods. 

6:00 - finally home and ready to eat my weight in apples. Hoping to find something to keep me busy. 

7:42 - I muted the tv when a commercial for Sonic came on. Can I just go to sleep now?!?

9:21 - read Cody my recap of the day. Knox laughs at me while I read it. I proceed to tell him he did this to me. He laughs in my face. 

Day 2: 

7:00 - I'm up and around...feeling pretty good. I have a feeling today's going to be much better. 

8:00-4:00 - Work, work, work. It was pretty uneventful really. Today was a lot easier than yesterday. I drank more apple juice today, which I think helped keep me full. 

4:00 - To keep some sort of mystery, let's just say I'm glad I'm home....the cleansing has begun. 

9:00 - starting to dread the olive oil/lemon juice mixture. 

10:00 - the time has come. As advised, I mix the lemon juice and olive oil with an ice cube in the blender. Pour it into the glass... Wow, 8 oz suddenly seems to look like a gas station big gulp. I get up the courage to drink it. Tell myself it's lemonade. Here we go...holy burning esophagus, Batman! The taste? Not horrible. But the burn? Like I swallowed a match. I finish, just before I feel the urge to vomit, and lay down in bed. 

Not sure what time o'clock - I continually wake up throughout the night, running to the toilet to puke. Nothing comes up. At some points I'm not sure which end it'll come out (tmi? Possibly.). When I do lay down, my gallbladder feels 10 times bigger than normal and it feels like the lemon juice is just resting in my esophagus. I toss and turn, and at 7:00 decide to move to the recliner. And I thought today was going to be uneventful...

Day 3: 

Morning - I feel like I have the flu. Cody feels absolutely fine. This is so unfair. Apparently I needed this cleanse more than him. I thought it would be rough to not eat today. It's Saturday. Without work to distract me, I thought I would be tempted by the pantry all day long. There's absolutely no way that will be a problem. I feel like throwing up at the mention of any food. 

1:00 - I take a nap with Knox. I wake up feeling better and get busy cleaning windows.

4:00 - sweet relief! We can finally eat some soup. I enjoy part of mine...although Knox ate a good portion of it. We are almost done!!

9:00 - I rock Knox to sleep. I refuse to put him in bed. I know that when I put him down, I have to drink the lemon juice and olive oil again. Please, for the love of God, don't make me do it again! 

10:00 - everything is mixed. I put some apple juice in mine to make it sweeter, hoping to ease the sourness. Big mistake. It doubled the portion, only prolonging the misery. And the apple juice didn't make it sweet enough to change the taste by any means. I choke down about half of it. Keep in mind I have felt nauseous all day. I hit a mental block.  I can't tell myself to do it any longer. I take two more drinks and dump the rest. I'm afraid if I drink any more I will puke it all up. I lay down, dreading what may come tonight. 

Day 4:

7:00 - I wake up. It's light out. My stomach feels fine. I MADE IT!! I'M FREE!!! Cody and I happily eat a little breakfast, just happy to eat anything but apples. 

Last thoughts: 

This cleanse was really not as bad as I thought it would be. The worst part was definitely drinking the lemon juice and olive oil. I probably would have been ok with drinking it again if the first time didn't make me so sick. We started on a Thursday, which was a good choice. If we had to do it again, I would wait until summer when I wouldn't have to be at work at all. The apples and apple juice make your stomach all gurgly, and just really uncomfortable. I wasn't as hungry as I thought I would be. I'd recommend it to anyone who thinks your gallbladder is acting up.