Don't say these things...

So, before having kids, I'm sure I said some pretty awkward things to new moms. I didn't know that certain things are sensitive, especially those first couple months when your emotions are still going crazy. Even now, I catch myself saying things that I know I shouldn't. I think it's because I'm usually not the most graceful conversation-maker. As an introvert, I have a lot of anxiety being alone in a room with someone who is not a good friend of mine. I don't know what to say, and I usually sit silent until the other person starts a conversation...or I say something completely awkward. Anyway, back to the baby thing....

My point is, even though I know I've said some not-so-great things to new moms, there are certain things that I would never say. SO for those of you who don't know what it's like to have a baby and are afraid to say something insulting, or for those of you who say whatever you want without thinking about how it may affect someone, here are a couple of things you should never say to a mom....

1. If you don't know if the baby is a boy or girl, leave out the pronoun. Rather than saying, "Oh, he's cute!" Just say, "Oh, how cute!" Because, in case you haven't noticed, girls don't HAVE to wear pink. Ladies, do you wear pink with every outfit just to identify yourself as a woman? Men, do you wear blue with every outfit just to identify yourself as a man? Don't be stupid. If my daughter is wearing a blue DRESS, don't call her a boy. Seriously. Just keep walking before I punch you.

2. Don't ask if the baby is a "good" baby. Really? What mother is going to say, "nope. She's a terror at 2 weeks old." Just assume all babies are good. Because if, for some reason, a mom tells you that their baby is not a good baby, chances are that she will feel extreme guilt later for uttering those words out loud.

3. Don't ask me if the baby is sleeping through the night. And especially if the baby is less than a couple months old. Yes, there are those freak babies who pop out and sleep through the night. But, it's completely normal for a baby (and especially breastfed babies) to NOT sleep through the night. Oh, and while I'm at it, don't judge me when I tell you she sleeps great because she sleeps in my bed. Also, don't judge me when I tell you that we had to push a twin bed next to our queen bed to make room for our 3-year-old. Yes, there's four of us sleeping in the same bed. Yes, we have the world's largest bed...and it's awesome.

4. I could go on and on, but let me get to the absolute worst thing you could ever say to a mom (and me personally). Don't tell me my baby is "so little!" A mother's only job is to keep the baby alive and growing. And as a breastfeeding mom, making enough milk is a very emotional topic. When you tell me how little she is, you are telling me I'm not taking care of my child. I know that's not what you mean, but with constant doubts that I'm not making enough milk, that's how I take it. I start second guessing my motherly instincts. Five minutes ago, I was feeling so proud of myself, thinking about how her little thighs are starting to fill out, or how her legs are getting too long for those pants. Now, with you telling me how small my baby is, I'm down on myself again for not being an adequate mother. Also, I don't want to know how my baby compares to your babies. Don't tell me she's so much smaller than your kids were at that age. They are different people, so they will naturally grow and develop at different rates.

I'm hoping everyone will be a little more considerate when talking to new moms. You don't know what they are going through. You may be innocently asking if the baby is good, but you didn't see her cry for 5 hours straight for no apparent reason that morning. You may be legitimately wondering if the baby is sleeping through the night, but you weren't there last night when his mom woke up with him 6 times. And you may love how small and petite my little girl is, but you didn't see me pump 3 times at work to get barely 4 ounces, enough to make one bottle when she needs 3, wondering if I can give my baby girl what we both want so badly.

Thanks for listening to my rant! I hope I'm not the only one offended by these comments :)

Bowling and a Wakeup Call

As the summer draws to an end, and football season and the new school year creep closer and closer, it's always sad to think about leaving my babies. I feel like the summer went by so fast, and I reflect on what I could have done to spend my time more wisely. 

One thing we wanted to do with Knox before the end of summer was take him bowling. He has a play bowling set that he plays with in the basement, and we knew it would blow his mind to even see a bowling alley. Yes, he's easily entertained, and yes, we are taking advantage of that in every possible way. 

His first bowling experience was tonight. It surpassed anything he could have imagined, and I wish I would have recorded his reaction when we first walked in. Think about in the movies when someone is walking toward the light of heaven. That was Knox....walking right past the snack bar, the shoe rental, and the video games, and straight toward the lanes. As if some higher power was pulling him closer. 

With bumpers up (for me too, not just Knox) the lightest ball in the place, and the cutest little bowling shoes I've ever seen, Knox  figured out how to get the ball down the lane, and even put some spin on it. He got a little overzealous at one point and tried to throw it hard. The people next to us were really understanding when it came flying down their lane.

 One game wasn't enough, but two games was too much. You live and you learn. Halfway through our second game, they turned the lights off and put on the black lights and disco balls. That added a fun twist. 

A little celebration dance! 

Nora looked like a little glowbug in the black lights. 

He scored 57 on his first game!

58 on game two. But more importantly, notice that I beat Cody the second game! 

Although we had a great time, I couldn't help but keep thinking about dinner. Knox chose our dinner location, so we went to McDonald's. I walked in and although there were 20-30 people at the tables, it was eerily quiet. I sat down and started looking around. Table after table, there were kids, teens, and adults of all ages glued to their technology--smart phones, tablets, computers. There was one elderly couple and another table of 5 or so elderly people who were enjoying each other's company, but everyone else could care less who they were sitting next to. 

A few stuck out to me more than others. The first: to the left of me was a teen and her mom. The mom kept trying to make conversation, only to get quick responses from her daughter, who was on her phone for the entire meal. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the mom. At some point, will my children treat me this way? If I buy them a meal, I would want to be treated with respect by them giving me their time. As a parent, if I'm paying for the phone they use, I will make the rules. That means the person in front of you is more important than the person you are texting or facebooking. Why do some parents feel like they can't demand that??

The second: let's call them a couple. They were there for roughly 15-20 minutes of our meal. I never once saw them speak to each other. They were both on their phones the entire time. Cody believes they were probably texting each other...ha! Even when they got up to leave, the girl walked out first, with the guy following. He never once looked up from his phone, even as he was walking out. If I'm going out to eat, I like to enjoy the company around me. I love the conversations that happen around a dinner table. Will this even be a thing in the near future? Or will we all be too caught up in what could be happening in cyber world to even think about what's going on in front of us? 

The third (and worst in my opinion): a little boy who looked about 5-years-old and his dad, sitting across from us. They were there for about 30 minutes while we were there. I saw the dad speak to his son TWICE! And it was only for a second each time. My heart absolutely broke for this sweet boy. He kept looking at Nora, waving and smiling at her. I wanted so badly to invite him over to our table so he could enjoy his meal with someone who could show him some love and attention. I'm not saying his dad is a bad dad, because I have no idea who he is. But HOW can you ignore your child for a phone? 

Our children are growing up thinking their parents love their phones more than them. That technology trumps them every time. One day, as I taught my first graders, my phone started ringing. It's always on vibrate, but my desk made it echo throughout the room. One little boy asked, "aren't you going to answer that?" I told him no, that right now I was teaching them, and they are way more important than any phone call. He gave me a surprised look that told me he was often put on hold for phone calls or texts at home. 

My heart was heavy watching the dad and his son at McDonald's, as I revisited my days and weeks this summer. I am guilty of "vegging out" in front of my phone. Have I done this too much? Could I have spent more time with my children? I wanted to stand on the table and scream at everyone eating to WAKE UP and see what they are doing to themselves, their families, their friends, and most of all their children. I see a lot more behavior problems each year I teach. Is it because that's the only way they get their parents off their phones at home? 

My hope and prayer is that we can all see the good in technology, but also see the massive amount of evil. I hope parents can start setting limits, and follow them as well. Because I'm afraid if we don't, we are going to start seeing some terrible repercussions. 

Cody and I are going to be speaking about setting limits for ourselves so this is never an issue in our home. I hope others can follow in our footsteps ❤

My tired life

After I had Knox, I was tired all the time and losing hair like crazy. I didn't think anything about it. New moms are supposed to be tired, and I'd heard you lose a lot of hair after you give birth. No big deal. It wasn't until 4 months later, when I was visiting my sister after the arrival of my niece, that I realized something was wrong. From across the room, my mom asked, "What's up with your neck?" 

"Oh, my fat roll?" I responded. 

"That's not a fat roll! That's your thyroid!!"

And so began my journey. I saw an endocrinologist and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, a form of hypothyroidism. I didn't think much of it. I figured at some point I would have to go on thyroid medicine since every other woman in my family was. 

It sounds stupid, but I didn't realize this disease would completely change me. I assumed I would start a medicine, feel better, and go on with my life. I tried different medicines, none of which helped me feel better. I continued to be tired, to lose hair, to have trouble producing milk, and to gain weight (about 20 pounds in a year). 

What I didn't realize is that this is an autoimmune disease. That means my immune system went psycho when I had Knox, and started killing off everything in my body...first to go was the thyroid. (I also had liver problems that healed on their own, and then gallbladder issues--which still seem to flare up every once in a while.)

I really like a quote I saw the other day: "There's no tired like thyroid tired." It's so true! Think about the most tired you've ever been. Maybe when you've pulled an all-nighter or, for those who have been pregnant before, that first-trimester fatigue. Now, double that and live with it everyday...with no hope of it ever going away. THAT is thyroid tired. 

When I got pregnant with Nora, I was worried about what it would do to my thyroid. Luckily, I felt really good throughout my whole pregnancy. I had some energy and surprisingly was able to keep up with Knox. 

Since having Nora, I've felt the worst I've ever felt. My hair is falling out at rapid speeds and I have no energy to do anything. Luckily, I have been able to produce enough milk for Nora and I haven't had to supplement at all yet. 

The question is this: if my blood work shows that my thyroid levels are normal, why do I still feel like crap?!?! If anyone can answer this, I'd love to hear from you!

Also, more than 20 million Americans have some form of thyroid disorder. One in 8 women will develop a thyroid problem at some point in their lifetime. This is a big deal. Your thyroid literally affects every part of your body. So why isn't more being done to solve the problem and help people when the typical thyroid medication just isn't cutting it? 

I'm not sure exactly what the point is of writing this blog post. I wish I had a success story so I could possibly help someone else. But, hopefully this sheds some light on the situation for someone. And maybe if you see me out and about and I look like I've just been ran over by a truck, this could explain it :) 

Oh, and when I tell people I'm losing a lot of hair, I don't think they always realize just how much. Or they may think I'm exaggerating. The next pictures will show just how much...

I looked in our bathroom trash can and saw this yesterday. I knew I was cleaning out my hairbrush every day or at least every other day, but didn't realize how much it was adding up to. Cody takes our trash out every Sunday night, but forgot last Sunday. So this is two weeks worth of hair just from my hairbrush. I continue to lose hair all day and night that is not included in this glob. Sorry if this grosses you out, but I cried for a long time after I saw this. 

I half-joked with Cody that I was going bald, but reality set in when I saw that I actually am going bald! I have matching bald patches on either side of my head.  

I guess I'm hoping that everyone takes thyroid problems seriously. If you're showing signs, get to a doctor and get a full thyroid panel. You'll have to request a full thyroid panel, because most doctors just run tsh. And hopefully my current issues can help someone else! 

How to properly clean a toilet

Friends, I have a two-year-old boy. He is potty trained, and has been since a month after he turned two. In the last 9 months, I've learned a lot about cleaning. You see, when it's time for him to go to the bathroom, he thinks he has to go as fast as he can or else the toy he was playing with will self-destruct. Yes, people, we have aim issues in our household. 

So I have developed a 10-step process to ensure a clean toilet. For those of you with boys (especially those that are potty training) or just really like a thorough clean, continue reading...

Step 1: The basics

With your favorite cleaner, wipe down the tank and both sides of the lid. Proceed to wipe off the toilet seat. Lift the seat and let out a little shriek. What the heck happened under there?!? Squirt your toilet bowl cleaner in the bowl and scrub down with the toilet brush. This is where most normal people can stop. Moms of boys? You're just getting started. 

Step 2: The seat

Now that the seat is safe to touch, remove the toilet seat by unlocking the hinges. Clean around the hinges on the bowl as you're wondering how he manages to overshoot the toilet bowl every.single.time. Don't forget to turn the seat upside down and clean the hinges on it too. While you're at it, go ahead an wipe the whole toilet seat down again. Can't hurt anything. 

Step 3: The base

Get down on your hands and knees if you're brave enough and have on clothes you can burn after the whole thing is over. Spray down the base of the toilet. Use about half a roll of paper towels to remove the dribbles from all the crevices. Be thorough. Toilet makers like to put lots of curves in their products. Realize a man designed the toilet because whoever did must not ever actually clean it. 

Step 4: The floor

While you're cleaning the base, notice how much gunk has accumulated around the base of the toilet. Did ANY pee make it into the toilet?!? At this point, grab a toothbrush and scrub around the bottom of the toilet. 

Step 5: The floor, part 2

Go ahead and scrub all the floor within a three-foot radius. Trust me. Even if you don't see it, it's there. 

Step 7: The wall

 Yes, you read correctly. The wall. Somehow he's managed to pee all over the wall. Go ahead and scrub the vanity and side of the tub if they are anywhere near the toilet. 

Step 7: The back

Now stick your head waaay back behind the toilet. Even though this is somewhere you can't seem to even reach, there will be pee back there. He's got skills, folks. 

Step 8: The front

Scrub anywhere in front of the toilet. That includes the floor, the wall, the vent (realize it was a poor placement of the vent), and anything else that was in front of the toilet, like a step stool. Pat yourself on the back for thinking to remove the bath mat when you started potty training. This step is often neglected, but moms of boys know that when they sit to go #2, the #1 shoots out the front of the toilet. 

Step 9: Sanitize

Not the toilet, that should be covered by now. I'm talking sanitize yourself! You will feel disgusting. You will want to wash your hands with scalding water, followed by a whole bottle of germ-x. You will want to take a hot shower. You will also promptly add "hazmat suit" to your shopping list for next time (which, let's face it, will be tomorrow).

Step 10: Save

Just start putting a few bucks aside each month. At this rate, you'll need a new toilet by the time all your kids are potty trained. 

Three Words

Our bedtime ritual. Go potty, brush teeth, jammies, "say night-night to daddy", diffuser on with a bedtime essential oil, read two books, light off, and sing one song. It must be in that order. 

Tonight I turned off the light and squeezed my adult-sized body next to him on his baby-sized bed. "What song do you want tonight?" An innocent voice answered, "abc's." We sung the alphabet slowly, our cheeks touching as we cuddled. Each letter that came out of his mouth wavered as he tried his hardest to match my notes. I hope he will be a good singer someday. 

I asked our usual questions: "What can you do if you get scared?" "I hug my lovey tight." "Right. And what do you say if you need something?" "Mommyyyy or Daddyyyy!" "I love you sooo much!" "I love you sooo much!" 

But tonight, I needed more snuggles. We laid together as I told him what a good cuddler he is, how proud I am of him for being such a good big brother, and how much I love him. I shifted my weight, contemplating how to get out of the bed. Could I manage to sit up or would I have to barrel roll backwards out of the bed? I felt a sweet toddler hand reach up and find my neck. He pulled me back down so our faces were touching again. He said the three words: 

"I need you."

I let him hold my face to his, and suddenly I saw him going to school, becoming a teenager, graduating high school and moving away. How much longer will he need me? 

Already he's becoming more independent. "I do it myself!" is a phrase heard in our house far too often. More and more, I find myself having to hold him down and force cuddles, rather than him giving them willingly. Each time he opens his own wrapper or gets himself a snack, it breaks my heart a little more. I don't have many days left where my baby boy will need me (or willingly admit that he needs me). 

For now, he does need me, as he revealed innocently (as only toddlers can). I will try to soak up these days for all they are worth, and keep that perfect "I need you" stored away in my head for when he no longer vocalizes it. 

I gave him a couple more kisses and hugs, flopped myself off the bed, and walked away. As I reached the door, I completed the last step of our bedtime ritual: I blew a big kiss toward my big/baby boy. He blew a big kiss back at me as I closed the door and walked away. 

A Look Back

I wanted to revisit my New Years resolutions from last year to see how I did. Here we go...

1.) The first resolution was to pay off half our non-mortgage debt. I said half was about $18,000. We didn't quite get there. We paid off almost $12,000. We stopped paying extra on our student loans sometime in the fall to get prepared for the baby, so that hindered the progress a little bit. Some good news that we recently found out was that Cody will get more of his student loans forgiven than we originally thought. Instead of $5000 forgiven, he will get $17,000 forgiven....huge difference! Can't wait for that day to come! 

2.) I set a goal of losing 40 pounds. Well, I ended up getting pregnant. That pretty much put an end to that one :) although I actually started off the pregnancy by losing about 20 pounds. I ended the pregnancy at the weight i started the pregnancy. Can't ask for better than that. As of now, I'm about 20 pounds lighter than I was at this time last year. Hoping to lose a little more, but not too worried about it while I'm breastfeeding.

3.) My other goal was to be more organized at home and work. I started the school year super organized. I pretty much kept it organized so I could be ready for my sub during my maternity leave. Home, however, was a different story. I will say that we have done some projects around the house to try to give everything a place. But, I underestimated the wrath of a two-year-old. He pretty much destroys any organization I manage to create.

The funny thing is that when Cody and I were talking about our resolution of paying off half our debt in 2014, he said our goal should be to have a baby by the end of the year. I told him he was crazy, and we settled for a goal of being pregnant by the end of the year. He got his wish after all!! 

Am I going to attempt a resolution this year? No! Our life is too chaotic right now :) maybe my resolution should be to just survive the year! 

Although we really didn't fulfill any of our resolutions completely, last year was a 100% success. With a toddler who is super smart and getting smarter every day, and a sweet baby girl who made an awesome entry into the world (stay tuned for the post about her birth story), we really couldn't ask for a better year. 2015 will be so different as we try to adjust to being a family of 4, not to mention we have tons of friends/family members having babies this year, and I'm excited for the adventure!!